Season 2, episode 8: The Apartment

“I just threw away a life time of guilt free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza: Lord of the Idiots.” – George

Jerry’s 94 year old upstairs neighbor dies leaving an opening in the building. The building managers ask Jerry if he know anyone looking for an apartment and Jerry, without thinking about it, suggests Elaine. And the apartment is only $400 a month. I know it’s 1990 on the show but that still seems appaullingly low for Manhattan. She just happens to be in his apartment at that moment so he goes back inside and gives her the news. She’s super excited about it, even giving him a “Get out!” shove (the first of the series). As soon as she starts talking about how much time they can spend together, Jerry’s pleased expression deteriorates into a near panic.

He meets George outside Monk’s and explains what he just did. “You may think you’re an idiot but with all due respect I’m a much bigger idiot than you are,” Jerry says. But George being George responds, “Please, don’t insult me, my friend, remember who you’re talking to. Nobody is a bigger idiot than me.” They go inside to continue debating who the bigger idiot is. It’s here that George brings up something he heard from a friend; that women are attracted to married men. Jerry tells George that Kramer has his father’s wedding band. George laughs the idea off but later picks up the band and uses it at a social event.

Jerry, meanwhile, has an out with Elaine. Someone else is willing to pay $5,000 to take the apartment and Jerry knows Elaine doesn’t have that kind of money. As he’s breaking the ‘bad’ news to her, Kramer walks in and suggests, to Jerry’s ire, that he should just loan her the money. Under pressure, Jerry agrees. Elaine leaves and Jerry chews out Kramer for ruining his opportunity to get rid of Elaine. “You’re a pod,” Jerry tells him, “I on the other hand am a human being.”

Jerry, George and Elaine attend a gathering in Elaine’s friend’s apartment to watch the NYC Marathon. George is wearing Kramer’s band and flirts with several women (including Theresa Randle!- whatever happened to her???) at the party who all show way more interest in George than they should but none will act because they think he’s married. Elaine meanwhile gives Jerry another out when she mentions that living so close could be awkward for the two of them but Jerry brushes her concerns aside. Jerry and George convene at the table spread to again debate which of the two of them is the bigger idiot.

Kramer solves the apartment problem by finding someone, a musician, with $10,000. “Occasionally I like to help the humans,” he quips. The episode closes with Jerry, Elaine and the building managers in Jerry’s apartment listening to the racket the musicians make at all hours of the day. So even though he solved one problem, now Jerry has another.