Season 3, episode 2: The Truth

“I’ve driven women to lesbianism before, but never a mental institution.” - George

"You didn't give her my Taxes?" - Jerry

"I broke up with her." 

George is having lunch with his current girlfriend, a cultured woman named Patrice, who pronounces papier-mâché ‘pap-e-ay’ and wears traditional kimono dresses and chopsticks in her hair. Kramer is dating Elaine’s roommate, Tina, which Jerry finds humorous. She complains to him about his make out sessions in the living room.

Jerry is being audited. He contributed money to a charity that doesn’t exist. It’s all Kramer’s fault somehow (of course it is) so Kramer is helping him gather receipts. Kramer reveals that he doesn’t even pay taxes. “Yeah, that’s easy when you have no income,” Jerry tells him. Additionally, Jerry is having George’s girlfriend, Patrice, a former high level IRS agent, preparing his audit. Elaine remembers a charity from her first date with Jerry. “You’ve got me all wrong. I was only thinking of those poor Krakatoans.”

Although Jerry isn’t worried at the moment he will be as George is breaking up with his girlfriend as Jerry is with Elaine and Kramer. Patrice is devastated and demands George tells her why. George lies (It’s not you, it’s me) but Patrice sees through the lies and presses for the truth. Pressured, George tells her the truth. She’s pretentious.

“You call everyone by their full name. You called my doorman Sammy, Samuel. But you didn’t even say Samuel. You went ‘Sam-u-el’. Pap-e-ay mache? What is pap-e-ay mache?”

Right as Jerry is saying that he would kill Kramer if he didn’t have George’s girlfriend (“Have you ever been through an audit? It’s Hell! It’s the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination. I would have killed this man. Torn him limb from limb. Ripped the flesh right off his bones.”), George arrives absolutely delighted. “My whole life has been a complete waste of time.” An epiphany for him I’m sure.

In George’s exuberance he’s forgotten about Jerry’s papers, which quickly brings him back down to earth. He tells Jerry he broke up with her. Upon hearing this, Kramer gets up and leaves (a brilliant moment as seen above).

Jerry, now extremely worried, has George call her office but she never came back from lunch. “This is no good.” George calls her house but she immediately hangs up on him. “Not good.”

For some reason, Kramer has a winshield in Jerry’s apartment. He’s going to make a coffee table out of it. A pre-cursor to the coffee table book two seasons later perhaps? Elaine comes over, and there’s an awkwardness between her and Kramer. Kramer saw her naked. “If it makes you feel any better you can see me naked.”

George comes in. His girlfriend is in a mental institution. So Jerry and George visit her. She’s thrown out his papers, but would be happy to help Jerry if he brings her copies. “Who makes copies?” Jerry wonders aloud. In order not to agitate her further, George is forced to make up with Patrice, telling several small lies in the process.

Elaine confronts Kramer and her roommate where she has her own opportunity to tell them the truth but she thinks better of it and just says that they makes a great couple. In the dark, Kramer and his girlfriend break the winshield coffee table.

In the end, Jerry tracks down an old receipt and gets set to take a cab to fetch it. Kramer, arm in a sling, joins him to visit Elaine’s roommate in the hospital. Elaine is doing the same. George is going to a poetry reading for Patrice and joins them for the ride. Elaine demands George pay his share (she earlier told him he was ‘careful with money’).